physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
