It's like God shit irony all over that family
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
