I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
