If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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