You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
