i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
