turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
