so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
