i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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