Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize