I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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