I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
