I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
