she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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