my mouth tastes like poor choices
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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