Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
