apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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