she was so not down for the gang bang
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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