I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
