He is like the real live version of the state fair..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
