So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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