Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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