god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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