Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize