you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
