I wish I only lived at night.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
