I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
