Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
