So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
