Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
