You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
