i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
