I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize