I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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