fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
