Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
