Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
