Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
