Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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