I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize