So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
