is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize