I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
