I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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