is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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