Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
