cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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