I accidentally burped into my bong.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
