FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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