I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
