you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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