I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
