I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize