I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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