I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
