Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
