dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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