i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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