Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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