too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
