I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
