Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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