nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
