dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
