I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
