I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
