There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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