I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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