My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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