Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Randomize