I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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