It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
