YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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