glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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